Ally’s Musings

(or should be: A movie loosely inspired by Eragon)

Eragon goes hunting, finds a blue stone, brings it home and the stone hatches.

Eragon: “I have no idea what this is, but I guess it’s a dragon so I’ll keep it.”

Flings baby dragon into the air. The dragon explodes and randomly transforms into an adult.

Dragon: “I’m Saphira, your dragon
Eragon: “OK whatever”

They go home.

Eragon: “Oh no! My uncle’s dead!”
Brom: “Sorry, I just barged in, let’s set your house on fire. Come on, we have to go to the Varden.
Eragon: “No”
Brom: “Yes”
Eragon: “Ok”

They randomly ride to some town.

Fortune Teller: “I’ll tell your future… you’re a dragon rider”
Eragon: “Duh”

Eragon and Brom randomly start fighting Urgals – Eragon uses magic and blows them up.

Brom: “You don’t know how to use magic ye t, I never taught you.”
Eragon: “Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Eragon has a random vision… Arya: “Save me, you’re my only hope. I’m Durza’s prisoner, I’m supposed to be really interesting and impressive, but now I’m wimpy.”

Eragon: “I have to go save Arya.”
Brom: “Who?”
Eragon: “I don’t know some person from my dream.”

Eragon jumps on Saphira and they rush off to Gil’ead to save Arya, even though they have no idea where that is

They find Arya in some lame dungeon.

Eragon: “I’ll save you!
Durza: “I’m an evil Shade, sorcerer guy, don’t steal my prisoner.”

Durza pulls a large spear out of thin air and throws it at Eragon. Brom randomly materializes and jumps in front of the spear. Eragon shoots Durza in the head with an arrow, Durza evaporates.

Eragon: “Yeah! I killed Durza!
Brom: “No you didn’t you idiot! You can only kill a Shade by cutting out its heart. Now excuse me while I die.”
Arya: “Darn he’s dead. Oh no! Durza poisoned me. You have to, like, bring me to the Varden or, like, I’ll like, die.”
Eragon: “Where the heck is the varden? Just because I knew where you were, doesn’t mean I know everything!”
Arya: “Here, I’ll give you this one-second vision and you’ll randomly know where it is.”
Eragon: “Ok.”

Now they are in the forest. Murtaugh randomly falls from the sky.

Murtaugh: “I have no idea who you are or where you’re going, but I guess I’ll bring you there.”
Eragon: “Ok.”

They cross hundreds of miles in 20 seconds.

Eragon: “Hey look, we’re here.”
Ajihad: “Hi, I’m the leader of the Varden: a city of rebels against the evil king Galbatorix.”
Eragon: “Hey look, an evil army.”
Ajihad: “Let’s go fight them.”

Durza randomly comes back. Eragon jumps on Saphira and fights him. Durza conjures a giant evil bat out of nowhere.

Eragon: “Where did that come from?”
Durza: “I donno.”
Eragon: “Die.”
Durza: “Ahh, I’m dead.”

Apparently they were the only ones fighting, because there are no other people around. Eragon and Saphira are unconscious.

Murtaugh: “Wake up. This is really boring if you’re unconscious.”
Eragon: “Where’s Arya?”
Murtaugh: “She’s going home to Ellesmera, oh and apparently she is an elf princess.”
Eragon: “Isn’t she supposed to be bringing me to Ellesmera?”
Murtaugh: “Yeah, but apparently whoever made this movie never read the book.”

Eragon and Saphira find Arya. (Again)

Arya: “Oh, hi.”
Eragon: “When will I see you again?”
Arya: “I donno, like, later I guess.”
Eragon: “OK, whatever.”

In Galbatorix’s castle…

Galbatorix: “Stupid tapestry. I randomly decided to rip you in half.”

A dragon comes out from behind the tapestry.

Galbatorix: “There’s where I put that dragon. I remember now, it was taking up too much space so I put it behind that tapestry. Ok then, whatever.”

THE END